Dear Hope,

Your Dad was away last week for work. He was working long hours so we didn’t get to talk much. I missed him very much. I finally got to see him on Friday. I met him at work and we got to hang out. It was so nice to be with him. We always had a good relationship. Well, not always during high school but that was a long time ago. Often times, people have said they wanted a relationship like ours. We have our bad days but we love each other so much. This whole experience has brought us so much closer. I didn’t think it was possible. I want to spend every second with him. I use to be able to stay down stairs and watch tv while your Dad went upstairs. Now, I go upstairs even if it’s 8pm. I just want to be near him.

On Friday, your Dad pulled some strings to get us reservations at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant. I am a huge fan so it was a nice surprise. The food was delicious but the service sucked. I was a little disappointed. However, I didn’t let it get to me. If there is one thing I learned by losing you, is not to sweat the small things. I was hanging with your Dad and having fun. We gambled for a while. We played roulette at a table and your Dad was having so much fun. We were up but then lost it all. It was a good night regardless.

The next day was Halloween. I won’t lie, we did really well, better than I expected. It was another holiday without you. This time, it was different because you could have been here to celebrate with us. There were tons of kids and it made me smile. I didn’t get upset giving out candy, I was happy. I interacted with them and the night went well. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad at times, so was your Dad. However, it went much better than I thought and I would like to think that is progress.

On Sunday, we celebrated your Grandma’s (my side) and my birthday at Maggianos. Her birthday was on October 29th (she wanted you two to share a birthday) and mine is on the 4th. I use to love my birthday. I would joke about it being my birthday month, week, etc. This time, it just doesn’t seem right. I feel kind of lost. Being obnoxious about my birthday was my thing. Everyone knew that about me. Now, it just doesn’t sound fun. I don’t know. It was a nice time between dinner and cake. I got some money, shoes, a shirt, Jurassic World (YAY!!!!), roses and a fitbit. Hopefully the fitbit will help me become more healthy.

Today started off good. When I came home, I started getting sad. I had a melt down while watching a reality show. Someone was getting married and it just got me upset. Right now, when I think of my wedding, one of the happiest times, I am filled with sadness. It was a time we were so naive and had no idea what was in store for us. I’ll never have that innocence again.

On a happy note, there is a Praying Mantis that hangs around our back door. I brought it up to your Dad and he thinks the same exact thing, it’s you visiting. I know the usual signs are cardinals or butterflies but not you, your different. I like that.

Thank you for visiting.

I love and miss you.


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