New Year

Dear Hope,

Well, it’s 2016. A new year filled with hopes and dreams. This is how 2015 started out and we are praying that 2016 is a little kinder to us. While we loved every second with you, we also have to remember what happened. We keep using 2016 as an excuse for everything to change and get better. While, it’s excuse because you can do this at any point, it’s a good starting point for us.

We spent a small part of New Year’s Eve with your Grandparents and Great Grandparents. Your Great Grandparents were visiting from Pittsburgh. We were there for Fourth of July. You were dancing while your Uncle played the guitar. This of course was before everything took a turn for the worst.

Afterwards we went home. It was nice to spend time with your Dad. Of course we took a little nap because we are terrible at staying up. However, we woke up in time to watch the ball drop. Your Dad cried a little. I think it’s being we said 2016 was going to be our year. It was a way for us to put what happened in the past. While we would never forget about you, we needed an excuse for things to get better and starting a new year was the best answer for that.

On the actual day, we did a little shopping and visited your plaque at the hospital. It was nice because it was the first of the year and 5 months since we delivered you. We put some beautiful lilies on the plaque as well. Afterwards we went out to dinner. I started having symptoms the week before so we decide to google them while we waited for our food. All of the signs pointed to…..pregnancy. We decided at that moment we should take a test when we got home.

You’re going to be a big sister! The first test we took wasn’t exactly clear. We thought we could see a faint line indicting pregnant but it was hard to tell. I started thinking maybe it was too early to tell. We went to CVS and bought another one that clearly said yes and no and it came back as YES!

We came and sat by your urn and thanked you. It was very emotional. We have known for a week and I still don’t believe it. Perhaps when we got to the doctor, things will feel more real. Both your grandparents are excited and so is your Aunt Jenn. We haven’t told anyone else yet. We want to wait a little longer this time.

Until next time my love,
Mom

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